Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Enjoy the penises
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