I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
