even my farts smell like vagina
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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