I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize