Plan B is the new Plan A
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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