Sry I called you an 8
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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