So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
