I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize