we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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