And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
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I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
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Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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