remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
