if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
