I just pynch a tree in the face
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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