Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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