Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
