i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
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if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
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And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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