so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
