Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
