would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
