Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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