I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
