he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
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