we're blogging at a bar
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
