dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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