Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
