I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
