ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
