I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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