this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
it's like heaven, but drunker
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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