Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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