Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
