saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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