God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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