That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
