I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
