It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
