i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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