so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
