I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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