Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I want to make a zoo with you.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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