and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
