careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
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