Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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