you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
is it fun? or sober?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
