According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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