I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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