he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
