Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Drake has all the answers
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
