How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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