Your face is a jimmy john
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
