What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
