you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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