That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
