im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
My ATM looks so different sober.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
