I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
