There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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