What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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