Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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