i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
