i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
