the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
