Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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