i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
