My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I don't think brook has ever known best
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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