I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
