I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
two words: eviction party
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
No subtext here. People are naked.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
