Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
