My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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